she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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