my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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