i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
