Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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