i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
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I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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