So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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