everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
