So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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