call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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