The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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