dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Porn is love you can see.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
