using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
