She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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