i think my mom watched the whole time
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
