I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
