so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize