Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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