My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
