she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
