Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
