Do vagina's smell?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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