I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
