i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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