Nicole vs. Life
he thought i was a dude.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
