i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
