Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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