so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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