I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
