He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
