i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
