Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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