...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
