i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He shit in the fireplace
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
