Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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