I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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