Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize