a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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