the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
