if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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