can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
