I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize