I'm pants shitting drunk right now
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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