I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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