I bet he comes in French.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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