Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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