someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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