By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.