Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit