it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it