Will you blow on my dice?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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