dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
