Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
