don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
