there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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