we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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