of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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