I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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