Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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