My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
