Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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