Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high we made milksteak
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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