Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
