i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
