Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
