Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
