This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
dude i'm inner monologue high
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
