I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
