What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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