just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
