He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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