yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
