Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
