Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do you have feelings for this penis?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
