Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
