I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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