you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
