Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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