I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
