i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
