apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
