I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
