call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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